Thursday, 30 December 2010

Day 364, on which John watches 'Aftenshowet' [30.12.10]

Dag tre hundrede fireogtres. Wowzers, it's the penultimate day of the year! The penultimate day of this 365 project! The penultimate day of this regular torment that forces me to write three paragraphs of rubbish on this sit! The penultimate day of having to write a boring-ass introduction which totally ruins the flow and relevance and together-ness of the post. The penultimate day of italicising the Danish numbers I remember and write at the start of the intro. The penultimate day of this project. And I'm sad to see it go, but on the other hand I think it's about time it came to a nice neat finish. Hopefully tomorrow will see a big ol' post about big ol' things. We'll see. If I'm not in a good mood on the final day, it's screwed. Be happy!

Today I watched the half-hour episode of a Danish show on the channel DR1 called Aftenshowet - 'the evening show' - featuring one of my fave singers, the Kate Nash of Denmark that is Sys Bjerre. You can see the episode in its entirety here, and skip to the end to see Sys perform, but here is a brief summary of what the people are saying and what happens in this very special episode of Aftenshowet:

Hans: hej, my name is Hans and welcome to Aftenshowet. Blah blah blah.
Lady: hejsa, my name is some lady or something and here we have an old man.
Old man: yes.
Hans: we also have many other exciting things. It is christmas and it is snowing and I'm fucking freezing. Let's get a move on.

Hans: woops, watch your step there, lady. Careful of the baby.
Lady: Hans you idiot, shut up. We weren't meant to say anything.
Hans: Oh yes. Oh, bugger me. Soz luv.
Lady: That old man was in the new Klovn film. He acts a bit and says some words in the plot.
Hans: yes.

Hans: here is the singer Sys Bjerre. Sys, what are you doing?
Sys: I am getting my fingernails painted to look like pink leopards. I like this.
Androgenous fingernail painter: yes.
Hans: that is remarkably shallow of you. What songs are you performing for us today?
Sys: 'Blah blah blah' and 'blah blah blah'. I like them.
Hans: that's cool, man. I do like your nails. Woman, can I have mine done like that?
Sys: I am not doing anything for Christmas. I live a sad life.
Hans: yes.

Lady: here is a chef. He used to be on TV. Hi chef.
Chef: hello. Care to buy a puffy potato thing? I made them myself and they are only 10 kroner.
Lady: nah, I don't trust anything you make, you dirty Swede.
Chef: please, I am lacking of money and I need my puffy potatoes sold. They are tasty.
Lady: no. Do you know how much I earn a year?
Chef: fifty million?
Other man: thirty million?
Chef: nah, clearly fifty.
Lady: no, a hundred million. You guys underestimate, you idiots.

Hans: I have found these two young girls. Hi.
Girl one: please Hans, can we leave?
Hans: no because I have sellotaped a microphone to your heads and you're coming home with me.
Girl two: boo hoo
Hans: how are you spending Christmas?
Girl one: with my grandparents. It says that in the graphic at the bottom.
Hans:  so it does. My mistake.

Lady: this is a girl. She is throwing a potato into a bucket of sawdust. Why are you doing this?
Girl: goo bee dada.
Lady: interesting. You keep doing that.
Girl: yes.

Lady: now I amn suddenly with this old man. His name is Mister Bjerre, but sadly is nor relation to Sys.
Old man: yes. I am an actor.
Lady: yes. Care for a puffy potato thing?
Old man: no, that manky TV chef made them.
Lady: apparently you are in the Klovn film.
Old man: yes.
Lady: here is a clip.
[boring-ass clip from Klovn]
Lady: I love how deliciously dull it is.
Old Man: that's exactly what I was going for.
Lady: clearly we are soulmates.

Hans: what a great show it has been tonight, Lady.
Lady: yes. I appreciated the old man and the snow particularly.
Hans: here is Sys Bjerre singing some song or other about something-or-other on a stage. Today she is wearing the latest in fashionable knobbly shoulder pads. Also notice some lady standing next to her who does nothing but hold her hand at the end.
Lady: I wish you'd hold my hand, Hans.
Hans: shut up and watch the music [storms off in hormonal rage]
Sys: [sings]

The End

Jeezus that was unfunny. Remind me to delete or rewrite this post at some point, because it's totally boring and about as funny as genocide. Of course, the show was very interesting and Sys Bjerre sang better than I thought she was going to, well done to all. Hans is not a perv and lady is not pregnant. It's a great show, thank you and goodnight.


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